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Dating A Workaholic: General Advice

What Is a Workaholic?

A workaholic is a person who is ready to work around the clock, but their main goal is not to make as much money as possible, but simply to work as long as possible when it comes to sheer time spent on a given task. Of course, for some employers, such an employee will be a very valuable find because such a worker can probably be trusted with the hardest of tasks, and they will still manage to pull them off. But the disadvantages of being a workaholic are numerous.

being a workaholic

Firstly, it ends up being the cause of many health problems since an intense workload and lack of proper rest create stress, which then becomes a cause of neuroses and heart problems.

Secondly, it deprives them of the opportunity to work on their personal life. Being a workaholic is being ill, and illnesses must be cured.

Causes of Workaholism

Many believe that workaholism is a positive trait of character, similar to diligence. But these concepts should not be confused since diligence is the ability of a person to perform a particular job, ultimately pursuing a specific goal (to save money for a trip abroad, buy an apartment, move up the career ladder). And workaholism is the aimless accomplishment of work, that is, a workaholic does not set any goals for themselves, and they work only for the sake of the work process itself. They do not even care what they get for the work they do, as long as they get something to work on.

In other words, workaholism is a psychological dependence on work, that is, roughly speaking, a disease. And the reason for it is simple: a person simply tries to run away from real life, fully immersed in work, and most likely, complexes, awareness of personal inconsistency or difficult life situations that caused a workaholic to completely change their outlook.

How to become a workaholic? We can all probably agree that when personal problems arise, not to fall into depression and not to get burnout, many advise you to fully immerse yourself in your work. This is exactly what workaholics do: they are afraid to return home, their parents may be drunk or annoying, their romantic partners may be manipulative and cause them lots of pain in everyday life. And the only right decision in this situation is to avoid all this, that is, complete immersion in work, isn't it? But, unfortunately, this solution will have an even worse of an impact on your life since a psychological illness will not lead to anything good.

workaholic relationship problemsBut the saddest thing is that a workaholic does not understand that they are ill, therefore, it will be very difficult for them to cope with this problem. After all, let’s take alcoholism as an example: alcoholics know that society and close people do not approve of their addiction, and on the subconscious level, they begin to understand that it is time to deal with this problem. And workaholics, on the contrary, see that their behavior is approved by society, and all the praise that they get for their work only reinforces the idea that they should continue their behavior, only fueling their workaholism.

Signs of a Workaholic

Here are some common signs that you are dating a workaholic

  • After hard work, it is difficult for them to switch to another activity.
  • Thoughts about work get in the way of rest.
  • A workaholic believes that satisfaction can only be felt while working.
  • A workaholic feels energetic, confident and self-sufficient, only working or thinking about work.
  • If a workaholic isn’t working, they feel dissatisfaction and irritation.
  • They say that these people are very gloomy, uncompromising, vulnerable, but their attitude is completely different at work.
  • After finishing some business or a task, they feel dissatisfaction with the fact that “everything will end soon.”
  • After finishing some business or a task, they immediately begin to think about the next task and the next day at work.
  • A workaholic does not understand the meaning of rest and joy from it.
  • They feel irritated when they do nothing.
  • They decline almost all sorts of invitations from their friends, even if it’s just about going to a local bar.
  • After work, a workaholic needs to put in a lot of effort to get a grasp on the family matters and what they want from them.
  • Even at home, their thoughts are constantly focused on work.
  • They hate movies, they hate recreation, they hate porn.
  • They don’t like to talk about love and relationships in general.
  • Even when they do relax and do something that can be considered as recreation and rest, it usually involves their field of professional interest in one way or another.
  • Usually, a workaholic sets goals that they cannot achieve, they are very critical of themselves.
  • When talking about their work, it is more convenient for them to use the word “we,” and not “me.”
  • Failure at work is perceived as a disaster.

Work for a workaholic is by no means just one of the integral parts of their life: it completely replaces affection, love, entertainment, and other types of activity. In society, workaholism is much more common among men, although it is now also very common among women. A significant number of the so-called “businesswomen” can be categorized as workaholics.

What is the difference between an ordinary hardworking man and a workaholic husband? A hardworking person has a goal in front of them, the result of their work is important to them, for them, professional activity is only a part of their life, a way of self-expression and a means of self-reliance and a way to earn money. For a workaholic, the opposite is true: the result of work is useless, it doesn’t matter, work is a way of filling time, such a person is focused on the production process, not on the result. Workaholics hate family relationships, and they don’t like spending time with their families. And it doesn’t get easier with time, the more time they spend at work, the more years they’ve wasted on their job, the less attached they are to their family members.

Now that we know what it is, let’s find out how to date a workaholic, what is a relationship with a workaholic like? What are some common workaholic relationship problems?

Workaholic Relationship Problems

Living with a workaholic is not the easiest thing to do. You see them for an hour in the morning when you are making breakfast, and an hour in the evening after work. Sometimes, even during these two hours, they manage to spend their time discussing something “very urgent” on the phone and send important letters to their coworkers. They say that they are working for the sake of your future together, they earn money so that you do not need anything, and, at first, you agree that they simply have no other choice, they have to spend all of their time at work. But one day you suddenly realize that you do not need this money and career growth, you need a person that you love near you and the opportunity to be alone with them, without any phone calls and important text messages.

A workaholic in a family is a strange “object,” they seem to be there, but they don’t seem to exist. In fact, workaholics are absent even when they are physically close to you. If they manage to stay home and not go to work, they will still think about the problems associated with it. Workaholics are almost always tense, and if it seems to us that they should relax and rest when they are at home, they see such a situation in a completely different way. They are often annoyed with household chores, as they constantly demand attention from workaholics, and it will interrupt their flow of thoughts. how to date a workaholicThe main problem in a joint life with such an individual is the lack of emotional contact. While you are trying to establish a mutual understanding with them, they go further and further into themselves, or rather, they sink deeper and deeper into their work. And besides, not all of us are willing to play secondary roles in the life of a loved one, but unfortunately, this is the case with a workaholic: work is always in the first place, and family always plays second fiddle.

Now that we are aware of the common problems of dating a workaholic, let’s find out how to deal with a workaholic boyfriend/girlfriend.

Dating a Workaholic: Tips and Advice

How to stop being a workaholic or help your partner deal with this issue? There are several solutions to the problem, and if you care about a relationship with this eternally busy person, then choose the right one and act.

1. Find a thing to your liking and dedicate yourself to it. In general, the point is to be independent of whether a spouse is near or not. If you are constantly busy every single day, then you do not have time for empty sentiments. Dating a workaholic man may be quite hard, but you can at least distract yourself with something that you like. Although psychologists consider such an approach as an adaptation to a problem, rather than a solution.

2. Ask them to designate some time that they will devote only to you and your family. Here’s an example, they can tell their colleagues that they will be busy after 9 PM and thus, they won’t be able to answer their calls and text messages. Of course, not everybody will agree to this because workaholism is psychological dependence. But if you haven’t tried it yet – give it a shot.

3. Stop complaining to them about how hard is your life and how your day went by. In the end, all of such conversations will only lead to one thing – them being annoyed with you. Your behavior will only motivate them to be even more of a workaholic.

4. The fourth workaholic relationship advice is especially important. If your partner is ready to discuss a problem, then calmly explain to them that their workaholism scares you of possible health problems in the future. You worry not for yourself - you worry for them because, without good rest, it is impossible to be productive at work. Let them feel like you really need them.

5. Engage a workaholic in a life outside of their work. A workaholic boyfriend should not think that all of the household chores and tasks don’t concern him. Ask them to do something at home, tell them that it is urgent, and you just cannot do it without their help. The latter part of it will make it a lot easier for you to motivate them to help you. And, if not, there is no reason to tell them that they are heartless and that they don’t care about you. It may be all true, but the problem seems to be a lot more serious. You have to seek help, find out how to cure a workaholic.

Comments (1)
In my case, relations with a workaholic don’t present any difficulties. After all, I’m a workaholic too. My husband and I decided to work hard for some time to ensure a good future.
28.02.2020 12:31
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