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What Is Stonewalling: Examples and Tips for Overcoming

What is stonewalling? Intentional ignoring during an argument, known as stonewalling, can be bad for loving people. This is defined as a refusal to communicate or express one’s feelings. People who know stonewalling psychology can do this to avoid a fight or a topic that they consider almost inappropriate. In other cases, it can be used to manipulate or punish someone. It rarely helps the situation and, if it is habitual, can reduce chances to resolve conflicts.

stonewalling definition

Stonewalling and Abuse - Is There Anything in Common?

Offended silence, in fact ignoring, is perhaps the most common method of abusing (and one of the most offensive). Stonewalling and narcissism are closely related. Indeed, in this way, the silent person doesn’t allow the partner to communicate, and such ignoring can be translated as, “You are not there.” That is, in a sense, this is such a social death that pushes men to look for new single ladies for dating.

It is possible that the partner really has a reason to be offended, and, reacting to this offense, he/she chooses exactly this way of punishing the offender. But it would be better to say what disturbs, give vent to emotions, and discuss what to do in such cases. It doesn’t matter at all whether the partner is really to blame for something or whether the offense is contrived. Abusers, if they are prone to such behavior, will find something to complain about, or they will create an excuse out of nothing. Obviously, this works best for those partners who have experienced such punishments in childhood and learned from it that deep repentance can work and change the anger to mercy.

What are the effects of stonewalling? It turns out that the experience of stonewalling can be even more destructive than expressing anger at a partner. After all, when people shout, there is at least some contact. But when someone ignores us, our experiences are empty and meaningless. It is like dating a workaholic. You can’t even talk about your feelings because they just ignore you. They don’t have time to discuss anything, and you feel stonewalled.

When Does Stonewalling Appear?

Each of us understands the stonewalling definition. We all fell into a situation when we had relationships with women, and they stonewalled us over time or even completely disappeared. Of course, we had an irresistible desire to find out the reason for their behavior, but we couldn’t do this since they still ignored us. There is a trap from which there is no way out. So, you need to understand why women behave like this.

stonewalling occurs whenMaybe a girl just doesn’t understand her feelings. “What if he doesn’t like me? What if he plays with me? Or, on the contrary, he loves me very much, but I don’t understand this? I’d rather start showing signs of love only when I feel safe and see his love. But if I feel even the slightest hint that the man is not responding to my flirtation, I will step back and pretend that he is not interesting to me.” These and many other questions arise in a woman when she starts a new relationship. Women are more sensitive than men. And they often take things too personally. Maybe she feels insecure. Perhaps something happened in her life that made her feel insecure in your relationship. She worries that things are not going the way she wants. Therefore, she becomes sad and may stonewall you.

There is also the worst option when a woman is just playing. She likes your attention, but she is not interested and doesn’t want a serious relationship. That is why a woman stonewalls you. It looks a little cruel and not right. But, unfortunately, this happens quite often. If a girl does this with you, break up with her. She is not worth your time, energy, and attention.

Main Examples of Stonewalling in Relationships

How does stonewalling looks like in relationships?

1. They show their arrogance

One of the stonewalling examples is when people secretly or openly demonstrate their arrogance and disinterest in a conversation with you. It seems that you don’t deserve to communicate with them. For example, this includes irony. You are telling something enthusiastically to a woman, and she demonstratively shows her involvement in reading messages on the phone.

2. They want to change the topic of conversation

This is a kind of hidden stonewalling. People ignore the content of the interlocutor’s speech to avoid communication, distort, or hide information. In other words, they change the topic of conversation, distort the words, and even the meanings of the interlocutor’s speech for their purposes.

3. You are always the first to start a conversation

To put it another way, a woman never writes or calls you first. Any relationship is like a two-way street. And to make it rich and harmonious, both people must pay attention to each other. When they don’t do this or one of them starts to stonewall the other, then conflicts, quarrels, and misunderstandings arise.

4. They reply for a long time

Perhaps at the beginning of the relationship with this woman, you were doing well, but you recently began to notice that she has been answering messages for too long. She is not good at contacting you, and you feel that she is simply avoiding communication with you. Isn’t it stonewalling emotional abuse? Of course, it is!

5. They avoid meetings

Perhaps when you are near a woman, her gaze constantly sticks to the phone. She constantly looks at her watch, and after a short time, she says that she needs to go, arguing this by the fact that something happened that wasn’t part of her plans. So, as you can understand, stonewalling occurs when they don’t want to spend time with you.

effects of stonewalling6. They are always busy

The most popular tactic for stonewalling people is to say, “I’m busy.” Yes, maybe a woman has a lot of work. Her life can’t revolve only around you. But if this happens regularly, then this is not normal. After all, if the woman wants to spend time with you, she will find ways to do it. And no matter what. This behavior shows how interested she is in you.

7. They answer simply and shortly

Perhaps a woman is still answering your calls and messages, but when did you have a long and open conversation with this person? We mean the conversation that can last for hours when you just don’t notice how time flies. If you don’t have a heart-to-heart conversation, then she’s stonewalling you. And as we know girls like to talk very much.

Tips to Overcome Stonewalling in Relationships

It usually hurts when a loved one stonewalls you. What to do with this feeling of helplessness and cold?

1. Look at the situation soberly

How does stonewalling in relationships look like? If you are together for a long time, perhaps a woman shows you her grudge ignoring you. But maybe your partner is manipulating you this way. In this case, you better not give in to her maneuvers. Don’t step over yourself and don’t do what you don’t want. If you give in once, this situation may happen again.

2. Look for the reasons

Maybe your loved one is trying to ignore psychological defense by stonewalling you. Of course, this is not the best tactic to deal with difficulties, but she does so. Thus, avoiding you, a woman seeks to prevent discussion of topics that bother her at the moment. Since the conversation can be painful, she doesn’t want to start it. Over time, your partner will find a way out to talk.

3. No need to seem desperate

You will become an occasion for unnecessary discussion of others if you are desperate to attract the attention of a woman who doesn’t want to have anything with you. If all your efforts to restore a relationship have come to a standstill, and your woman is enjoying your suffering, then leave this person. Although in a relationship, you sometimes need to make sacrifices. But if your so-called girlfriend doesn’t show interest in your true feelings, then she doesn’t deserve to be with you.

4. Don’t be emotionally addicted

If you have feelings for a woman, and you are ready for anything for her, but the object of your love doesn’t show the same feelings for you, it’s time to step back a little. No need to let a woman take you for granted. Stick to this rule and don’t get carried away too much. No need to chase anyone down and beg for attention.

5. Be independent

If you are constantly in the field of view of a woman, she doesn’t have time to miss you. Give her freedom and create your own space. There is no need to spend all the time together. If a woman really loves you, there is no need to worry about how she will spend her free time. Women don’t like too intrusive men. Enjoy your time.

6. Accept your feelings

When someone dear stonewalls you, it hurts. You are probably disappointed, angry, and sad that you are being avoided. If you have such feelings, don’t pretend that it is not. Accepting your feelings is the first step in speaking out and making it clear to a woman that she is acting cruelly.

what is stonewalling7. Think about whether you need such a relationship

After a few days, ask yourself, “Is this woman so close to me to continue a relationship with her? If she is, then can I try to directly clarify the situation asking her to talk about it? The woman can say what she didn’t like, and I can say what I didn’t like, and we try to agree.” If you get a new portion of ignore in response, then you should again ask yourself the first question.

8. Spend time with people you care about

Despite the fact that a quarrel with a loved one can upset you, most likely, she is not the only one with whom you like to spend time. Talk to friends and family and invite them to go somewhere. Strengthen relationships with other people and spend a good time with them.

9. Say sorry if you are wrong

If you did something that upset or offended another person, accept responsibility for your actions. Set aside your ego to acknowledge your mistakes and apology. If you confirm the significance of her feelings, this can play a big role in restoring relationships. Say something like, “Jane, I’m sorry. I understand that I offended you.”

10. Come to a compromise or solution together, if possible

At the moment, you most likely already understand whether it is possible to restore relationships or not. In some cases, an apology is enough. But sometimes it takes time and a desire to fix things. Decide together what the next steps will be. Each of you can offer a solution and a compromise to find an option that will suit both of you.

We must say that we all were stonewalled by someone. But we are also not perfect. Therefore, we might also ignore other people. Therefore, we believe that when a woman tries to stonewall you, it becomes a problem requiring a solution. Otherwise, everything may end up with the emergence of even greater problems or the usual separation. Therefore, don’t be afraid to solve problems and meet difficulties. As a result, you will only become stronger and wiser.

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