Anyone can break up with their sweetheart, but to stay friends after that is much more difficult. Most people find this impossible. The stronger the feelings, the more difficult it is to move on. However, in spite of any obstacles, a strong and long friendship can grow out of romantic relationships. The question of whether there is friendship after love is of interest to modern society no less than arguments about life after death. Some firmly believe in this opportunity, others categorically deny. And everyone has examples to defend their opinions. So, how to stay friends with an ex?
Stay friends after a breakup and is it really possible?
Love sets the bar too high. Many people do not understand how, after all these sufferings, one can quietly step back, meet once a month, discuss current partners. If every second you remember how this person belonged to you, can you easily watch others next to them? This is senseless torture that seems like cruelty.
If you didn’t mess with each other when parting, you can always talk later when irritation and jealousy finally disappear (provided that they existed at all).
Understand yourself: are you not jealous? Do you bear malice toward your ex? Do you want your ex to be happy in a new love? You can get involved in friendship only if you replied “yes” to all questions, otherwise there is a risk of becoming a secret enemy of your darling, gradually poisoning their life. And it is equally important to understand whether secret love is not warming somewhere inside. You may lie that the romance is finished, but you will actually wait for the moment to return everything. Maybe you are ready for any conditions, just to stay close. It is impossible to imagine a worse situation; it is worth making friends only being honest, without any hidden passions.
Remember that you are no longer in a relationship. The temptation of long-time dating is dangerous because you begin to overestimate your place in a friend's life. You know all habits, weaknesses, ambitions, secret desires. You know how to influence the mood, have a certain authority in one's eyes. Gradually, there is confidence that partners come and go, and you are here forever. It is awkward to remind, but you have absolutely nothing to do with it. Participation in intimate life ended for you at the time of separation, so do not try to interfere in new relationships. Firstly, it is unethical, and secondly, you will fail. Do not exaggerate your importance: the person who wakes up in the arms of your ex will always be closer than you.
There is no need to get into the details of the personal life of your ex, to care excessively. This person did not stop being extraordinary, strong and independent just because you saw them naked. Therefore, respect other people's borders and do not take on too much.
How to stay friends with someone you love?
The breakup of relationships often ends with words like “I know our relationship has come to an end, but still we can be friends.” This is just a formal way to end it on a good note. Hardly anyone really practices this. Yes, it is not easy. But if the person is really good, why not try? Try to follow these 10 steps how to stay friends with an ex you still love:
1. Do not blame each other. Everything that happens, happens for the better! You were both in love once. Therefore, you need to keep this in mind, because it is very important to respect each other even after the end of a relationship. Listen to what your ex wants to say and answer in a calm and discreet manner. Speak like a mature person. Avoid mudslinging and do not blame each other. Nobody will be better off from this.
2. Break off all contacts for a while. Sometimes, it is better to stop all contacts with your ex to make the situation better in the future. If you do not do this, you will deprive yourself of the opportunity to calm down and accept the situation. Get your thoughts together instead of a showdown. If you do not end relationships peacefully, you will not be able to behave as if nothing happened in the future, and even more so, to stay friends.
3. Spend time with friends. Do things that make you happy. Try to use the time in the best possible way and do all the things that you could not do when you were in a relationship. Meet with friends. Try your best to make this period as less painful as possible. When you are alone, there is a chance that you will dig in the past, alternately blaming yourself or the former partner for what has happened.
4. Do not take revenge. This is one of the most immature reactions to the situation. Revenge will nullify any possible odds to stay friends with your ex. Do not try to make them jealous, do not say bad things about them in front of others. You should also not meet with their friends in order to learn information about them.
5. Respect the ex. Always respect the past that you had. If you do not do this, you cannot expect them to respect you. Wish the former all the best in their future relationship.
6. Think about it. When you finally broke up, it's time to think whether you really want to be friends with each other. Think of all the problems you may have to face in order to stay friends. Also, decide whether to do it at all. When you think things over and decide to maintain a friendly relationship, only then you should take a step forward.
7. Contact Before contacting your ex, make sure that they fully accepted your parting. Decide on a suitable time and place to talk to them. Also ask if they want to talk about the future. You can offer them a chat, but as friends. They will also think about it, and you will know their opinion, for sure.
8. Forget about propriety. This is a very difficult stage. After all, at the level of thinking, you understand that you broke up and this person is not obliged to you, but you still continue to be jealous. Even when you both have already established relationships with other people. Be wise, give yourself time to get used to new roles in each other's lives. When you stop being jealous of others, you can begin a friendship.
9. Do not talk about the past. The past is gone long ago, so do not try to bring it back. Ask about what is happening in the life of the ex at present. Be genuinely interested when they talk to you. If you are having fun and having fun together, talking about different things but without commitment, then there will be an opportunity to become friends again.
10. Do not overstep the limits. Hold on to what you have decided both. If you break the joint promise to stay friends and do something foolish, then you cannot expect a good attitude towards yourself in the future. Be friends, but no more. No farewell sex or cross-sex relationships. Breaking relationships can lead to enmity between two people. If you try your best to be friends with the former, but they do not reciprocate you, respect their decision. Do not try to force them to be friends with you. But if, after a breakup, you succeed in maintaining true friendship, you can certainly be proud of yourself.
Do men ever just want to be friends with a woman?
Friendship between a man and a woman is possible, but very often a man next to a woman only pretends to be her friend, having completely different intentions. We will not discuss the fact that a woman at the same time can herself hide her real interests. We will discuss only how to reveal a man in his true colors. So, signs of deception can be the following:
1. Gifts. “The Deceiver” (a man who, under the guise of friendship, cleverly hides sighs of love) gives great, impressive, generous gifts. By this, he hopes to impress your tender heart to the very depths. A true friend (the man in whom you are interested only as a friend) gives little and modestly. Like a friend.
2. Help. If a man is ready to help always and in everything, at any time of the day or night, this does not mean anything. But if he came to save you six times in the last month, and three times late at night, this is no accident. A man for whom you are just a friend is not ready to waste so much time on you. He has his own woman, after all.
3. Purchases. A man with pleasure walks with you in shopping centers, walks into every store with pleasure and nods in agreement when you remember that you need a new handbag? Does he easily agree to this every weekend? You have no friendship indeed. He just wants to please you. A true friend behaves exactly like a friend. He spends exactly as much time in the store as he can endure, and he goes out to take the air. It is customary for friends to respect the interests of each other and not to demand a complete rejection of their own.
4. Discussion of men. You can discuss your men with a "cheater" or with a real friend. The difference is that the “cheater” will always take your side. He will always agree with you and say that "he just does not deserve you." This is a clever trick, let everyone be bad, one is good, and sooner or later you will notice and appreciate it. A true friend will be just sincere. If your man behaved like a jackass, a true friend will say that. If you behaved like a fool, a true friend will say so. This is true friendship.
5. Apologies. Everyone is mistaken: they are late for a meeting, they forget to live up to the promise, they hurt with an unguarded word. The difference is in the reaction. The "cheater" rushes to repent. He is afraid that now he will lose your trust and communication. Therefore, he is afraid of any of his mistakes, even the smallest. A true friend will simply apologize. If the mistake is serious, you need to correct it. If the mistake is small it is not worth the experience.
6. He is drunk. Sometimes friends drink together. And then you immediately see who is who. If he is a “deceiver,” he will begin to tell you how beautiful you are and how lucky anyone who will be next to you is. Then he will tell about his difficult fate. Then he will be pleased to kiss you.
7. Attention. When you are together, the “deceiver” pays all his attention to you. From the beginning till the end. A true friend remembers that besides you, he is there. Therefore, you will get exactly half of his attention.
8. Women. This friend is interested in other women in your company, he is curious about the idea that you need to acquaint him with your girlfriend. "The Deceiver" rejects all offers softly or harshly, but always definitively.
9. Community. A true friend communicates with you as a true friend — relatively rarely. This is because he has other interests, among which he distributes his attention. You are the prominent interest for the "cheater". Therefore, he is ready to spend with you as much time as possible.
10. Sex. The deceiver wants to have sex with you, but he is afraid that you will understand this. Therefore, he proves in every possible way that he is not interested in you as in a woman, but only as in a person. A true friend remembers that you are a woman and, in principle, allows for sex between you, but in some particular case.
Ex wants to stay friends: how to manage it
If she just wants to be friends, do not rush to refuse the person who asks you to stay in the current condition. Think of the benefits that this relationship promises you. After all, the person offers to keep the good that has been between you for a long time. If you agree, you will find a friend, if you refuse, you will be left alone.
A View from the Outside. Look at the partner from the side. Are you interested in her? Do your views, judgments and beliefs coincide? If you see in this person an interesting interlocutor, a good, reliable person, there is no point in refusing to communicate with someone with whom you have so much in common.
Initiative. How to tell a girl you just want to be friends? You have long noticed that a relationship with a partner is at an impasse. It became clear that you do not have a common future, and a breakup is inevitable. Do not build ghostly illusions, do not wait for a conflict. Think over your speech and tell your partner everything as it is. Listen to the objections and arguments that you are mistaken. Come to the unequivocal decision - to leave.
Therefore, before giving a positive answer, analyze the current situation. Remember how much time you spent together, whether you have common points of contact that will explain your friendship in the future. If you realize that nothing binds you, that the union was based only on physical intimacy, or, moreover, on deception. So, without hesitation, answer "no."