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How to Know If You're in a Situationship

This strange concept was introduced by those who cannot decide what they want in a relationship. Who knows, maybe when you take a closer look at a situationship definition, you will find out you are currently engaged in one.

The concept of situationship or "non-relationship" was invented by the Americans. What is a situationship according to them? It is a strange stage that happens between friendship and romantic relationships or maybe never grows into the latter. Such “non-relationship” are characterized more by an emotional attachment to the object of adoration, rather than a sexual connection with a person. The main component of such a relationship is the hope of obtaining the desired result. When expectations are not met, the person gets upset but tries to hide it because they do not have a formal relationship with a far-fetched partner.

situationship definition

What Is a Situationship?

To define situationship it is necessary to break this word into two parts: "situation" and "relationship." As you can see, it has clearly something to do with an occasional, uncertain or not serious relationship, as if you just deal with another love affair. For the first time, American Cosmopolitan journalist Carina Hsieh used it in her article. The girl mentioned that the term was introduced by her friend Tony. A "situationship" means a relationship in which "you are simultaneously moving towards something, but you stay at the same place." And the worst thing you can do for yourself is to get into a “situationship.”

Tony who? The author of the term, of course, is not at all Tony. There is an explanation for “urbanization” of this word on the Urban Dictionary, dated 2014, and it sounds like this, “It's about relationships without labels. It's more than friendship but not quite a relationship.” The term means destructive, largely contrived relationships. In contrast to the "relationship without commitment," a "situationhip" is characterized by an emotional attachment to the object of adoration, rather than a sexual connection with them.

It may seem that someone has come up with a prettier name for their neurosis, and most likely, it is true. Maybe one day this term will be even used by psychologists, but it will be much later. The number of those who are not quite sure they are a couple or not is increasing.

The Reasons for This Are Different:

  • Someone has too much work;
  • It is psychologically difficult for someone to “get used to” a new person, and they want to try “situationships” first;
  • Someone, after all, is only interested in sex, and only during free time from fitness and meetings with friends and girlfriends.

And someone, perhaps, has completely ceased to believe in love after a hard parting and is afraid to repeat the same mistakes. All these different people with their different reasons have one thing in common. Most probably, the society puts pressure on them screaming, “You need a partner,” “You should find a spouse,” “Stay single or not.”

However, the reaction to situationships, as well as, in principle, to any kind of "strange" relationship (for example, open relationship or love at a distance), is usually negative. Like, if it doesn’t turn out to be anything serious tomorrow, then you have to cease it, otherwise, one suffers and the other enjoys, one falls in love like a fool, and the other will always remain heartbroken.

what is a situationshipAre situationships that scary? Everyone likes classic literature scenarios, and it is thanks to the favorite characters of the classics that many see the relationship as an extremely overwhelming romantic phenomenon. In real life, things are far from being so unequivocal: people sometimes can be quite happy with their easy “non-participation” of each other, catch the buzz from almost spontaneous meetings, experience separation without fail, and then indulge themselves with passionate and unexpectedly sincere dating. Yes, and it happens, although it is still difficult for some to believe that situationship to relationship upgrade is possible.

When do they become normal? A situationship is perfect for describing long-lasting holiday romances, in which, despite the predictable and irreversible end, you were still childishly happy. In addition, this phrase describes the millions of love stories that began on Tinder, when you decided to meet out of pure curiosity, just to try something new, or even out of boredom because it was July outside, everyone went on dates, and you stayed late at work until sunset. Well, what are the signs of abnormal behavior, which you need to “treat” and “correct”?

Calm down, situationship to relationship switch is a real thing. But it is precisely for some reason that such “non-relations” are perceived by the journals — they immediately rush to give advice on how to determine the “situationship rules” and how to end a situationship urgently. For example, they list 12 signs that you are in situationships, which indicate that your beloved one does not love you. Everything is bad because you are not talking about the future, you are not acquainted with their friends, and you have never traveled to IKEA together. Do something urgently, or you will meet the end of the world alone!

But on the other hand, there are many “real” couples who do not make plans longer than for the evening, do not buy furniture every month and prefer cozy meetings for two to all these noisy booths. Are they in situationships then? No, they just do not worry and live for all the happy moments.

Signs of a Situationship

Situationship vs relationship differs with some visible features. There are several signs that you are in a situationship:

  • You are no longer going on dates. You have spent so much time together and have known each other for so long that you no longer make an appointment in a cinema or a restaurant.
  • You have no status. When someone asks about what is between you, you awkwardly answer, "Well, we'll see each other again."
  • You avoid talking about the future. You do not know what will happen to you in a year or five years. You are afraid to think about it, and you do not want to raise this topic.
  • You plan everything without thinking about them. Your partner seems to be in your life, but at the same time, they are not. You buy tickets for your vacation alone, and you don’t even offer them ones.
  • You have feelings, but it is not about love. You take care of the person, but do not allow them and yourself to grow these feelings into something more.
  • You attend events alone. You appear everywhere alone, including weddings, Christmas parties, and work events. You have never used your plus one right. And it's not just them, but it is about you. You just can't break this barrier.
  • You are not dating anyone. You don't seem to be in an exclusive relationship, but at the same time, you don't want to meet anyone else. Your relationship needs are met by one person.
  • You occasionally have sex. And after it, you do not run away home and can stay overnight to drink coffee in the morning. But after that there are breaks, and you do not call each other for a couple of weeks.
  • Correspondence is your main form of communication. But at the same time, you do not write affectionate words like "baby, honey."
  • You do not meet each other's friends. Your loved one knows about their existence, but they never met them.
  • You have no common photos. You do not take pictures together and do not post photos on the social network because it will mean a formal relationship.

If you have met more than half of the points, then you should think about your life. If you want a family and children, then this partner is definitely not for you.

Situationship Vs Relationship

The term "situationship" is suitable both for not serious relations and for others in which there is no certainty and many questions remain unspoken. On the other hand, with such uncertainty, a more serious relationship often begins, a situationship serves as a certain step between acquaintance and continuation. And if the couple is stuck exactly on this step, then the development of relations may not happen.

That is, you sometimes sleep together, go to the cinema together, relax together, you have a lot of common interests, but you are not moving forward. You have no frank conversations and plans for the future. situationship rulesMost often, it is practiced by men who do not plan to establish a serious relationship. Moreover, they prefer not to make a girl aware of this, but for all her attempts to talk, they answer, “Why do we need to plan something? We are so good together.” The girls build illusions that sooner or later the conversation will take place, and maybe her lover is just not ready yet. When does a situationship become a relationship? In this case, never.

If you get into such a relationship, and it bothers you - do not hesitate with asking serious questions. Do not waste your time and your life on someone who is not ready to give you their love in return.

How to End a Situationship?

The rules for this are somehow similar to stepping out of a friend zone or hinting it to your partner that you want a more serious relationship. So, here are the main tips.

1. Say no to criticizing and being jealous. Praise your beloved one actively but stay indifferent at the same time. That is, do not describe the merits and do not flatter. If you have a balance, jealousy can increase intimacy (to cause tenderness and emotion), but if you are in the red zone, jealousy and criticism will push you away more. Make them fall in love with you as a good friend but show the real passion too.

2. Do not hurt them. Even if criticism comes to you from their side (you can’t allow a lot of criticism, you need to distance yourself, you can’t be humiliated by any means), refrain from your side. Praise should be also moderate, there is no need to overwhelm your partner with enthusiasm, but do not hurt them definitely.

3. Say less about yourself, this is not very interesting. But you shouldn’t become a door rug. Do not listen to their confessions and intimate complaints as if you are just a shoulder to cry on. If for your partner uses you just for sex and personal therapy, then make a statement that you are an alive person too, show them that they can lose you, so your partner appreciates you and your feelings more.

4. Do not meet for a long time and leave first, do not talk for a long time on the phone and say goodbye first. Briefly determine for yourself that less is better than more. This is necessary to always leave the charm of unobtrusiveness, add the gap between you. If there is a lot of you, while your partner does not take you seriously, no surprise they constantly want to do a runner. Know your value and simply be confident. It is time you show them that you know their real intentions and are ready to leave if the situation(ship) does not change.

Comments (1)
Recently, a guy asked me to date him. But we go out on dates very rarely and don’t discuss the future at all. Now, I understand that I’m just in a situationship.
28.02.2020 12:30
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