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How to Deal With Midlife Crisis in Men


People always joke about male midlife crisis, talking about it as an occurrence to middle-aged losers and totally lost men. But is it true at all? Why do we tend to think that a crisis as a whole is a sad gift to all the poor, insulted and bitter? Have you ever thought that even the most seemingly happy and wealthy people overcome some kind of burdens that sometimes need help from others or even a professional hand? Today we will talk about the signs of midlife crisis in males, ask ourselves questions like, "What can lead to it? What are the signs of a midlife crisis is coming to an end and how to generally stay happy at some toughest years of your life?

men and midlife crisis

What Is a Midlife Crisis?

Psychologists always have different answers to that question. Some of them refuse to overthink this issue, crossing it out from the list of terrible diseases.

See, we work on our image through the whole life, from the university bench to our pension that is why we are kind of…suppressed by it. Some of us have chosen the wrong path in life, the wrong career, the wrong person to be with. And we wait until it bursts into a sudden explosion of feelings.

  • What did I do wrong to spend all my life, working at the factory? I always wanted to be a politician!
  • Why did I live my whole life in one country? I always wanted to travel, but I was afraid to splurge on a one-way ticket.
  • I was so lost all my life, now it’s unbearable.
  • I always wanted to have a massive tattoo on my arm, but my parents never let me do it, then my spouse told me it’s a ridiculous idea. Now I will look ridiculous indeed, working as an office manager.
  • I never loved my spouse, actually. She is such a dull bitch, always complaining about me and my wrong choices. In fact, she is the wrong choice! I always loved Jessica from the neighboring house, but I can only dream of her at night.
  • I never wanted my kids to live like that. I am afraid to tell them how much I really love them. I want them to be strong. But how do I just come up and tell them that? I have to preserve a tough exterior!
  • I always wanted a little Pontiac and a bicycle. Now I own a Porsche, but it’s not my dream!

See? This is why men cheat when they are in their 30s-40s. This is why we all struggle with depressions. The realization that you are halfway through your life makes all the silence unbearable. A person wants to be FREE. We don’t want to lose any time, wearing that fake mask of a happy person, this nasty exterior of a loving dad and a hot lover. Maybe we are lazy, bitter crybabies? Men in their forties shouldn’t be ninnies? Skip that crap! You can be whatever you want, and don’t listen to those who think that life ends at their thirties! They are scatterbrains!

What Causes a Midlife Crisis?

The most obvious reason that causes a midlife crisis is a reality that kind of reminds you of what is happening right now. People start evaluating themselves differently after a powerful explosion of feelings. As said previously, everything pushes you to the border, starting with a nasty job you hate and to the lack of intimacy, or lack of communication with your own children. People start reliving their childhood traumas, thinking that everything they did in the young years was absolutely stupid or, on the contrary, more exciting. signs of a midlife crisisMen start thinking about their younger days, how fierce and muscular they were, how much power and motives they had to move on, how much adrenalin used to rush through their veins. The only thing you can do is to accept the chance to change something drastically, or leave your happy peaceful life till it ends, suddenly and unexpectedly. There will be no time left for regrets or sorrow.

Midlife crisis in men is very distinctive. Midlife crisis in women happens in a different way. Women don’t lack empathy, so emotional things have their ways to spill. Mostly, the female midlife crisis starts when ladies regret going steady with their husbands who no longer satisfy them. Most of them cry about choosing family life over career, suppressed ambitions, and long-lost beauty. By the way, you can watch a film called American Beauty to understand how middle-age crisis develops both in men and women in a different way. They also regret having children at an early age. They realize that kids were the treasure of their life, but now they have grown up into disobedient brats who won’t tell mommy any of their secrets. This is not how mommy has raised them.

After going to the job they hate, they receive a portion of dumb stereotypes from a sexist boss, telling them what to do and implying sexual jokes. They come home and see a man they didn’t choose, passive and toxic, greedy and needy. Where did that romance go? What is the chance to drop that life for good and start over with financial instability and not the best-looking skin since there are better candidates on the market? And yes, this seems painfully unfair for both sexes. Women who dedicated life to their career will cry about loneliness and inability to have healthy kids with a beloved husband, and life starts over. And it goes on.

Signs of a Midlife Crisis

The most obvious sign is feeling like a broken record and a painful desire to escape this routine, wanting to turn your life upside down. Usually, a man realizes he goes through his midlife crisis when reality contradicts his seemingly stupid actions. Am I having a midlife crisis? Check this list to know for sure.

  • I want to escape reality. My behavior resembles the life of a teenage dirtbag
  • I want to look better than I’ve looked for a good ten years. I fantasize about my life going differently
  • I seek for new, extreme feelings
  • I flirt with my female co-workers, but I don’t have a tendency of a cheater
  • My life is stiff and unbearable, I want to change it radically and make a rebellious deed
  • I want to cheat on my spouse
  • I want to get on well with my children
  • I started collecting toys I never had had as a child
  • I want a tattoo and a new job
  • I want to have sex with multiple women or try a kinky affair with a stranger
  • I want to color my hair blue and go to a metal concert
  • I pack my things sporadically to go to Greece or Venus (a space trip was in my bucket list).

How Long Does a Midlife Crisis Last?

Men and midlife crisis are a perpetual dilemma. Everyone is different. The extent of your sadness can be different as well. Some people go through all the stages in a month; others deal with it and forget about those emotions. And others leave with this trauma, developing signs of mild depression that will haunt them for years and sometimes, for life.

How to Get Through a Midlife Crisis?

People often think that a midlife crisis is something incurable, something they have to deal with until they "get back to the normal state." But your life CAN and WILL change even if you are in your fifties, but only if you want it to!

Don’t:

  1. Do radical things you will regret. Turning your life upside down is not always a good decision. Think of yourself as a teenager who needs to have borders to stay sane. Be your own parent.
  2. signs of midlife crisis in malesTake your emotions too literally. Emotions aren’t facts. If you have a strong will to burst your bubble, it doesn’t always mean that you really need to do it. Maybe, you’ll have a gut feeling of something going hypothetically wrong.
  3. Be lost in your fantasies. Or else you risk doing random stuff that will only intercept you gaining vitality that you lack.
  4. Break up with your spouse or cheat on her. The problem always lies in something else. Maybe your inner conflict or insecurities break out, and you try to overpower your anxiety, jumping into conclusions and doing risky things.

Do:

  1. Remember you can always change your life without burning bridges completely. If you are sure you want to change something, make these changes gradually and consciously.
  2. Forgive and forget yourself about making mistakes. Yes, some things can’t be changed now. It’s better to think about why you have made those choices in the first place. Take a sheet of paper and write down what you would do differently. Also describe what things you always wanted to do, but didn’t have the gut to complete or achieve. Make it a bucket list if possible.
  3. Think about life as a treasure that is not worth losing in vain.
  4. Think about life priorities, your past and the future. Think about realistic changes you can do while connecting it with your existing lifestyle.
  5. Let yourself one radical change. Be a blogger, be a star, be a journalist, everything you aspired to be. Some professions don’t have age restrictions and limitations.
  6. Forgive your parents. It all comes from our childhood, they say. When you have at least one unresolved conflict, concerning your mom and dad, it will ring through your life. You might take the same actions and apply the same model of behavior to your children. Adults are not wiser or more courageous than kids by any means. Have an honest talk with the most beloved and supportive people of your life, hug each other and peacefully move on in life.

Is midlife crisis real? Decide for yourself. Whether you want to believe in it or not, you don’t have to sit through and bare it. It’s not "just a phase." You are neither a teenager nor a youngster. Yes, the truth hits you hard. But your choice can turn your life upside down at any stage of your life. How to get out of a midlife crisis? Don’t bottle up. Burn with ideas. Kiss your spouse. Call your boss an asshole. It’s not the best way to keep silence and keep those dangerous symptoms to yourself. Be vocal about your feelings. Travel abroad and do a bucket list. Calling yourself an adult doesn’t mean you necessarily need to give up on your hopes and aspirations. You are entitled to do whatever you want, and don’t let others say otherwise.

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