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She Doesn't Text Back: Why Does It Happen and What to Do?


So, the first date happened, and you went home with the feeling that you’d love to have another one. Or maybe you even thought this might be the beginning of a long-term relationship you were waiting for. Since it’s the guys who make the first step, you say you’ll text her later. The next day you send her a message to ask her out on a second date, but she doesn’t answer and quits the messenger. Why would she do that? Well, girls can be strange and mysterious sometimes, and good luck understanding the chaos in their heads. It might be tricky to figure out your companion’s inner world or guess what she’s thinking.

A lot of guys have been through the times when their girlfriends ignored them. And while it doesn’t seem like something terrible, you feel some kind of tension. Naturally, after such a cold treatment, the first thought that comes to your mind is, “It’s over.” You get nervous and start sending message after message, hoping to finally get an answer. The problem is that your behavior can cause even greater problems, which will ultimately lead to a sad end. If you’re not ready for this outcome, let’s find out why the girl ignores you and what to do when she doesn't text back.

what to do if she doesn't text back

She didn't text back – how long should I wait after a date?

If you’re not sure exactly when the girl expects to get a message from you, then all you can do is rely on your own opinion on the situation. Typically, men are guided by two main principles:

Don’t lose self-esteem. Some guys consider it inappropriate to take decisive actions right after the date and prefer to wait for a bit. They’re afraid their value in the girl’s eyes might fall. And that’s not far from the truth. If you know that your companion doesn’t care about rules, you’re free to text her whenever you want.

Don’t be too intrusive, so as not to scare the girl off. If you start texting right after you said goodbye, and then the next morning, afternoon, and in the evening, the girl might think that you’re either too desperate or weird and bail.

You have several options. Firstly, you can text right in the morning the next day after the date to say that everything was wonderful and try to arrange the next date in a day or two. Most likely, the girl won’t answer immediately because she needs time to think about whether to agree or turn down a date with you and disappear, but she’ll not take a few days to answer, either. So, the normal response time is half a day from the moment she receives your message. This will show that you’re interested in getting to know her better but control your impulses.

Secondly, you can demonstrate that the girl intrigues you but reasonably, and when it comes to relationships, you want to play a leading role. In this case, you can text her in a day or two. This is the normal time when a girl looks forward to hearing from a guy (if she wants to, of course). If you text her after three of four days, then the girl will most likely be mad because you were silent for too long. So there’s a risk of running into a negative reaction, but you’ll still have a chance to explain yourself. And if you text in a week, then the girl will probably pretend she doesn’t know you.

“Alright, but how long should I wait to text her if she doesn't text back?” Of course, you shouldn’t start bombarding the girl with messages, asking why she hasn’t answered yet. If you have not received an answer, it would be a good idea to send another message at least half a day later.

Reasons she doesn't text back after a date

So, you texted her, but the message remains unanswered. How to understand why she ignores you after a date? After all, you wouldn’t run around the city, searching for her to get some explanations, right? There are five main reasons to consider when she doesn't text you back, and one of them will suit your case.

what to do if she doesn't text you back1. She’s busy

If she doesn't text back, is she not interested? Not always. There may be a much simpler reason you have nothing to do with. If the girl doesn’t read or answer your messages after a date, she might simply be busy. She’s a living being who has a lot of stuff to take care of, a job to go to, and friends to meet with. If she’s not answering for an hour or two, she may be chatting with someone else. But if you’ve been trying to contact her for several days already, and the girl hasn’t bothered to answer, there’s probably another, more disappointing reason.

2. She didn’t like the date

As we already mentioned, female logic is hard to comprehend. And sometimes, when they just didn’t like how the date went, they may start ignoring your messages as punishment for not meeting their expectations. The thing is that it’s easier just not to communicate with a person after a failed date than to tell them what happened, and that’s what most girls do. You can try to find out what went wrong, but don’t lose heart if you get no answer. There are plenty of single girls for dating out there.

3. She changed her mind

One of the main women’s peculiarities is that they’re not always straight and rarely know what they need. At one point, they may enjoy the evening, and the next second, start hating the guy. This happens more often than you’d like, and there’s nothing to be surprised at. If a girl doesn’t answer your messages after the first date, then maybe she just burned out, and she doesn’t feel like explaining this to you. In this case, you shouldn’t insist on keeping in contact and wait for a few days.

4. She’s pissed

Perhaps it wasn’t obvious on the date, and everything looked fine in your eyes, but the girl might’ve thought completely the opposite. And if something you said or did insulted her, she certainly won’t text you back. To understand whether she’s mad at you, or the reason is different, just take some time to rethink the whole evening and try to find flaws in her behavior. Maybe you didn’t give the girl enough attention or just poorly joked.

5. She doesn’t like you

This reason is directly related to the third one and comes from it. If the girl likes the guy, she might give him some kind of a probationary period (usually, it’s one date). And if he wasn’t as good as she expected, she would cut all ties with him. Unfortunately, if it’s your case, the chances of making her text back and explain her decision are slim to none.

What to do if she doesn't text back

If you’re still not sure why she ignores you or just don’t want to back down yet, we’ve got a few tips and tricks that might help you turn the tables and boost your chances of getting an answer from the girl. But note that not all of them will work if your companion is simply not interested in chatting with you.

1. Check what you texted before

To get started, take a closer look at the last few messages you sent. Did you ask any questions? Did you text something that could potentially piss her off? Maybe she just doesn’t want to answer the question, and in this case, we suggest you change the topic. If there’s something that might’ve sounded offensive, make sure you find this out and ask if you did something wrong.

2. Let her know that you enjoyed the time you spent together

Show that you’re eager to stay in touch with her, but don’t be too intrusive. If she doesn't text back, don’t start sending a dozen stickers and messages, like “Where did you go?” “Why don't you answer?” “Hey, where are you?” “C’mon, give me a chance!” “Why are you not answering?” And never, ever use phrases like “So this is the end, right?” “That's it, you and I are done, aren’t we?” These are the same as saying goodbye. And remember, girls fall in love through their ears. A couple of compliments in your nest message might melt her heart and make her break the silence.

3. Try another messenger

If she doesn't text back for days, you can try and reach out to her through another messenger or send a good old text message. Patience is the main thing here. If she’s silent for, like, an hour or so, don’t start sending messages everywhere you can, occasionally calling her in the process. Get yourself distracted and give her a chance to answer before you do everything possible to turn her attention. Firstly, this approach is more effective, and secondly, you won’t come across as a maniac.

4. Give her more time

But not too much time. Four or five days should be more than enough. If you stop bothering the girl, she’ll realize that you won’t get too upset if she disappears and that you can easily move on. This can change the attitude towards you: she’ll stop ignoring you as soon as you start ignoring her. If she doesn’t, send her a sweet goodbye message and forget about her.

what to do when she doesn't text back5. Use tricks

When she doesn't text back, you need to come up with a text that would sound like you didn’t care much while she was ignoring you. Messages like these work best a week after your last contact. The text will be informal as if you’re chatting with an acquaintance. You can pretend that you don’t remember who she is at all; for instance, text her that you don’t remember where you met. Intrigue her.

6. Don't be desperate

This may come as a surprise, but psychopaths scare women off, so always keep your distance, even if you really want to ask this girl out. In other words, you should try everything you can but stay within the bounds of decency. This is much more attractive for her than if you were pushing and pushing forward like a madman whose life depends on a date with her.

7. Be tougher

This is the advice that you’ll have to accept, regardless of how much you like the girl. There’s more annoying than a desperate guy. If your new companion doesn’t text you back despite all your attempts, then it may be time to let her go and move on. Find someone else and try the luck with them.

Do I have to make her text me back?

Now that you know why she might ignore you and what to do if she doesn't text you back, it’s time to figure out one last thing – should you even try to come into contact? We’re afraid there’s no definite answer to this question. On the one hand, it’s possible to arouse her interest and desire to meet again. Persistence can save the day, even in the worst cases. Alternatively, the fact that the girl doesn’t answer your messages was probably caused by your lack of experience and a bunch of mistakes you made along the way. And until you gain this experience and change your approach to dealing with girls, nothing will change – you’ll keep coming across the same problem over and over again. That’s why the best solution is to fix the global problem and start working on your skills to make sure this never happens again.

“If she doesn't text back, should I text again?” You need to clearly understand what you want from the girl. If you’re into casual dating, then why waste time and nerve cells? But if you think you could become a nice couple, feel free to try and reach out to her. Once you decide what you want, you can build your plans accordingly. Just a quick reminder: most of our tips above suggest that you’re looking for a romantic relationship, so keep that in mind.

Girls often make guys nervous by ignoring their messages. When she doesn't text back for a few hours – there’s no reason to panic. Just remind her about yourself, apologize if you said something wrong, and suggest another topic for conversation. If this doesn’t work, try reaching out to her in other messengers. If you get the same result, it’s not a problem. Say goodbye, delete the messages, and go looking for another date. Don’t dwell on this situation for too long: if she wants to stay in touch, she’ll let you know, and if not, you’ll have someone else to hang out with.

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