When it comes to raising a daughter, many parents believe that the most important role in this process is played by a mother. She teaches her daughter how properly to tie the bows, she buys her first dress and, in general, becomes the collective image of a woman.
However, talking about that, people forget that a father is the first man in the life of a girl. Numerous studies have proved that a relationship with a father has a significant impact on the woman's future personal life. A father forms the emotional independence of the girl, her self-discipline and correct ideas about roles in the family. A father is the embodiment of responsibility, determination, objectivity, and discipline for his daughter.
Meanwhile, many fathers make their daughters unhappy, sometimes, they do that unconsciously. The disharmonious connection between a father and a daughter leaves deep wounds in the girlish soul. Girls with daddy issues can hardly become a good spouse, a loving mother, or an effective manager without professional help.
What are daddy issues?
In other words, people call it a “father complex.” It describes different psychological problems which occur because of a poor relationship with a daddy. This is not a formal diagnosis, but a colloquialism based on pop psychology. Usually, it implies the fact that a girl who has a poor relationship with her father tends to develop “issues” in her further life. However, there are many different signs of daddy issues since they vary from girl to girl, and there isn’t a certain set of them. Many women don’t even realize that they have any daddy issues symptoms, believing that this or that problem is a manifestation of a bad temper. So, what does it mean to have daddy issues? It means to have some psychological problems, invisible mental barriers, which are rooted in the childhood and subconsciousness.
Daddy issues psychology
A girl’s relationship with a daddy forms her inner sense of self, in other words, acceptance or non-acceptance of her personality. If a father is caring, the girl grows up with a sense that she is a smart and beautiful woman who is loved, feminine, and who deserves better in life. Perhaps, everybody meets such a woman in their life. She might not be very attractive, but she is calm, feminine, and confident. Such women get the best husbands. And vice versa, a woman can be a real beauty, but she doesn’t love and accept herself and constantly strives to improve the appearance. For some reason, men are in no hurry to start a committed relationship with such a woman. They spend time with them, but they create families with the first type of women. A happy personal life is definitely not about beauty. So, what are the main types of daddy issues?
Father is unknown. A girl didn’t have a father. The mom gave birth to a child without being in the committed relationship. Parents divorced when a girl was too small to remember her daddy. Their connection was lost in her childhood. A mom started a new relationship, having a small kid, so the girl had only a stepfather with whom she didn’t have a strong connection.
Girl’s behavior. She is looking for a daddy. When the father's place isn’t occupied, the girl, being young, starts unconsciously searching for him. These girls prefer to date with much older men, who are already, nevertheless, in committed relationships. Sometimes, they are involved in love affairs for a long time, while they are not interested in free peers.
Father was distant and severe. Such fathers never praised their daughters for anything as well as admired them. They made their daughters earn their praise, approval, or at least, an absence of criticism. Usually, all the achievements of the girl were depreciated. The girl didn’t have a physical contact with her father, he didn’t hug her or stroke her hair because he considered all these things be senseless "sloppy endearments."
Girl’s behavior. The women with daddy issues choose the cold and unsociable partners, trying to deserve their appreciation. These girls say that the majority of men is too uninteresting and boring for them. However, there is one special man, who is able to inspire strong emotions. As it turns out, this man attracts these girls with his coldness and changeability. For example, first, he sends 15 messages every day and then leaves her for several weeks. The daughters of distant daddies are usually obsessed with the desire to be recognized and get praise from men. They are even ready to accept humiliation for that. However, as a result, they face men’s contempt instead of approval.
.jpg "daddy issues signs")
Father was a tyrant. The daddy abused and humiliated his spouse in front of kids. Perhaps, he suffered from alcoholism or any other cacoethes, beat his spouse or insulted her verbally, destroying everything in his path, like a phone or a computer, to take her money.
Girl’s behavior. In the first case, the girl tries to avoid men in any possible way, or she wants to become a "more powerful man" than her daddy. Having grown up in such a family, girls often start avoiding men in general, creating a comfortable and safe female world around them.
In her world, other people support her in all difficult life situations, helping her meet the challenges. She can have a short-term relationship with a man to have a baby, but she subconsciously perceives a long-term relationship as perilous one, so her kid will be raised by the family, consisting only of women.
In the second case, the girl grows up and begins to play the role of a defending son for the mother. The girl takes a man's position and confronts the father. Such girls find themselves in sports, especially in martial arts, they like camouflage, leather jackets with rivets, high laced boots and other attributes of a brutal man. The girl with daddy issues can be only with a man who refuses to fight and voluntarily takes the second position with the spouse-leader.
Father was a wallflower. The girl’s mother was a dominant person, while her daddy was almost invisible. He obeyed and did not conflict with his spouse.
Girl’s behavior. She suffers from inconsistencies and lacks some masculinity. Such a girl despises quiet and malleable men, but she is afraid of self-confident ones. She might treat with disgust dirty clothes, a little bit longer beard, and a smell of sweat, and she decides not to start a committed relationship because this mess is its mandatory part. Besides, such a woman may be afraid of the penis. Dating a girl with daddy issues, be ready to have sex only in the dark and to forget about oral sex.
Father was perfect. Daddy was a home icon. Her mother prayed to him and didn’t cease to adore her husband. The daughter was raised in the belief that her partner must be as perfect as her father.
Girl’s behavior. She admires her father because he seems to be a perfect man, he seems to be cooler than Superman. All other men are compared with him, and they don't win this fight. Usually, it turns out that daddy, in fact, is far from being perfect, he just has some carefully hidden dark sides. For example, he was cheating on his spouse for many years. The girl who is consciously looking for a man in the image and likeness of her father unconsciously meets the partner with the same vice.
Talking about other scenarios when she has daddy issues, the girl rejects all possible partners because they aren’t so perfect, or she chooses a quiet spouse in order to save a psychological connection with her daddy.
Signs of daddy issues
As if it has already been mentioned, daddy issues signs can vary from woman to woman, depending on the situation and the level of sensitivity. There is a short list of signs you can face dating a girl.
1. She has problems with personal boundaries. The girl might allow other people to dominate her. She is just used to that. People may impose things on her that she is surely not okay with, but she allows it to happen because she has never been taught to refuse.
2. She has low self-esteem. Her father was severe and made her earn his love, so she didn’t learn how to love and respect herself. That’s one of the root causes of her extremely low self-esteem and inability to build personal boundaries. Often, low self-esteem is one of the main symptoms of daddy issues.
3. She cannot trust her family. She suffers from that severely, but she cannot do anything with it. Her daddy never gave her a reason to trust him. Now, she doesn't trust other men as well because she doesn’t want to be let down once again.
4. She tends to date older men. Since she didn’t get enough attention and love from her father, she tries to fill that space in such a way. It doesn’t mean that her partner should be much older than her, but her man is, usually, more mature.
5. She is emotionally walled-off. Her daddy hurt her, and she is afraid to love someone and experience that once again. It makes sense because, often, only people you have feelings for have the power to hurt you.
6. She prefers one-night stands instead of a committed relationship. A one-night stand doesn’t imply any strong feelings, so she reduces her chances to be hurt. Her fear is stronger than common sense.
7. She is afraid of her partner’s leaving. She wants to believe that she will never be left again. Nonetheless, every time when her partner walks away, she thinks that he leaves her forever. Even if the man has never given her a reason to think like that.
8. She is jealous. When she sees her partner talking to other girls, she tends to get worried, even if they are just friends. She thinks that he can leave or cheat on her with that girl. She doesn’t believe that she is good enough for such a man.
9. She is looking for an emotionally cold man. Her emotionally cold partner reminds her of her daddy. She got used to such attitude, and she might even feel comfortable with such a company. On the other hand, she might try to deserve his approval and close her inner gestalt.
10. She tries to call attention to herself. It doesn’t matter that this man isn’t her partner but an ugly stranger, she tries to draw his attention anyway. Even if she is in a relationship, she hopes that somebody will try to pick her up.
How to deal with daddy issues?
The daddy issues are the deepest and most emotionally burdensome. However, it is possible to try to change the situation. So, how to fix daddy issues?
- A girl should try to accept the fact that her father was not an ideal person, she should forgive him and stop looking for a partner who would be like him.
- A girl should think about the traits of her father that she cannot put up with. Isn’t she unconsciously searching for similar traits in other people? To do that, she needs to look at her surroundings like the bosses and ex-partners.
- A girl should think about the difficult periods in her life. Did he allow her to make decisions independently? Did he support her? However, the best thing the girl can do is to see an experienced psychologist.