Content
- Three reasons why you cannot turn down a date.
- 10 rules you should adhere to when you turn down a date.
- How to turn down a second date?
As a rule, it's a man who takes the initiative to get acquainted with a lady and start a relationship, if they like each other, of course. If the girl doesn’t like the guy, she blows him off. Every girl knows how to turn down a date thanks to her intelligence and life experience. Nonetheless, there is a reverse situation. The girl likes you, but she is not of interest to you at all. Consequently, you ask yourself a question, “How to politely turn down a date?” As they say, “Everything comes back in life: today, you have stopped answering her calls without clarifying the situation, and one day, someone will do the same to you.”
Don’t minimize the seriousness of the situation. In fact, it may seem to someone that the issue is far-fetched, and if you don’t want to date a girl, you can say it to her face. Of course, you can meet men who always act this way. However, at the same time, a big part of them isn’t so popular to neglect girls’ sympathy.
Besides, you can be at the center of rumors after such turning down, especially if you have to be in the same team because of your studies or work. You can face problems with communication with the opposite sex. Women are essentially vindictive, and in addition, you shouldn’t forget about female solidarity. So, the question of how to turn down a date nicely is quite relevant.
In addition, if you reflect on this topic, then, most likely, you are not indifferent to this woman, and you do not want to look like a monster and hurt her feelings. However, if you don’t perceive her as your future girlfriend, then the issue must be resolved, otherwise, occurred misunderstanding may lead to ambiguous or even conflict situations. For example, there is a girl you like, and you don't want to lose her. However, the uncleared relationship with your new admirer will lead to the fact that the two girls will find out about each other sooner or later.
Of course, it is nice to know that you can attract two charming ladies, but you will not always be able to handle this remaining warm and fuzzy. It might be difficult to prove to your girlfriend that you have done absolutely nothing to make another woman fall in love for you.
Three reasons why you cannot turn down a date.
Everything has a root cause, and your indecision can hide something more than just unwillingness to date a girl. There are three main reasons, which may clear things up.
1. You don’t want to hurt her.
As a rule, delicate and subtle men fantasize a lot about the reactions of women. It seems to them that any refusal will definitely offend a girl. It happens, for example, because the man is also very sensitive to it. However, the truth is that all people are different. Maybe, the girl is just trying a new strategy of communicating with men and does not expect that you will surely accept her offer. There are many options.
Try to come up with a dozen possible reactions of the girl to your "no." Let them be very different, starting with the universal sadness to a sigh of relief.
2. You believe she can take revenge on you.
There are so many myths and legends about charming women. Tearfulness, temper, vindictiveness belong to all popular stereotypes, which have little to do with the real person in front of you.
The following lifehack was invented by psychologist Carl Rogers. Remember only three words: acceptance, understanding, sincerity. If you want to figure out the best way to turn down a date, then your task is:
a) to treat her intention with acceptance because she has the right to show interest to you, and this is natural;
b) to show her your understanding. Most likely, it was not easy for her to do it, and it deserves respect;
c) to be honest about your feelings. You are not ready to go on a date, and this is your right.
3. You find it difficult to say no.
It happens that your inability to say no to a particular girl is only the tip of the iceberg. And, in fact, you basically find it difficult to say no to all people, and it is hard for you to assert your rights.
Sometimes, it is enough to practice in such situations. Just say “no” at least 10 times a day. Note what happens to you when you say no. Encourage yourself for the effort. This is the level of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy. If such a scheme does not work out, then you might need a deeper work together with a psychologist. A specialist will help investigate the root causes of the issue and suggest how to overcome it. This is not easy, but as a result, the quality of life improves.
10 rules you should adhere to when you turn down a date.
Dating and relationships are quite common things, but no one is required to have them. If you have already rejected all funny ways to turn down a date, then there are 10 rules to learn to everything carefully.
1. Do not be too strict.
Sometimes, a good deed is punished in a relationship, especially if it's a girl's initiative. However, if you do not accept such a course of events, you shouldn’t pull any punches. The girl is decisive and independent that’s why she decides to ask you out. This does not mean that she doubts that you are capable of the first step. Anyway, you should try to tell her as subtly as possible that it won’t work out.
2. Don’t mention her appearance.
When you want to turn a girl down for a date, but you don’t want to offend her, then do not tell her that she is not your type and that you cannot imagine your future with her. Even if this is true, one the one hand, you should be uncompromising, but one the other hand, you should be as polite as possible. Convince the girl that you don’t want to change your bachelor life. Of course, you should say the reason to have the desired effect.
3. Come up with the reason for your refusal.
Do not be nervous if the girl persistently asks you out, trying to persuade. Tell her that you cannot be together because you love another woman without reciprocity, and you need time to get back to normal and move further. You may use a “classic version” and tell her that you are still in love with your ex-girlfriend. This is one of the greatest reasons why you don't want to start a relationship. It works well because few girls want to compete with the ex. Or you can respond to the proposal in a different way. You can say that you are too busy with work/ study to start a relationship.
4. Do not say "maybe" if you mean "no."
Refusal does not mean that you should use a convenient “maybe,” although you are simply afraid to say “no.” Just gather your thoughts and be honest. If you say her something like “maybe,” then you just double her attempts to conquer you and make the inevitable rejection even more unpleasant for both. You shouldn't mumble, it is really awful. Just say no.
5. Do not hint that you can change your mind.
If you say that you are too busy now, then you are hinting that you are ready to meet later. This is not very good because the girl will still hope to date. Of course, a categorical refusal may be more painful, but at least, it does not give vain hope. You should certainly adhere to such tactic if you have mutual acquaintances.
6. Do not offer to stay friends.
If you do not want to go on a date with a really good person who simply does not suit you as a partner, you may be tempted to stay friends with them. Nonetheless, this is just another way to give hope, which will not come true. Many people play the role of a friend to become a lover later.
7. Tell her that you do not believe in monogamy.
Such words clearly show your attitude towards committed relationships. No one woman wants to be cheated. Perhaps, this is even their worst nightmare: to find someone else's hair on you, feel the scent of someone else's perfume, check your smartphone for suspicious messages. So, if you don’t know how to turn someone down for a date, just tell them about your own vision of the relationships you are looking for.
8. Do not make excuses for refusal and do not feel guilty.
Be laconic. If you are going to turn a girl down for a date, forget about phrases like, “It's not about you, it’s about me,” “You are so beautiful, and you will definitely meet a better person...” and so on. In such a situation, both of you will experience awkwardness. Besides, the girl will surely think that it’s surely about her, otherwise, you would choose some other words for refusal.
9. Play dumb if necessary.
If you are not ready to talk seriously or you don’t know how to turn down a date after saying yes, then it’s high time to talk nonsense. If she invites you to her house, tell her that you need to help your mother with baking an apple pie, this is a tradition, which you don’t want to break. If she invites you to walk in a park, tell her that you like to go for a walk with friends and regret that you spend little time with them.
10. Pretend that nothing happens.
This will work well if the girl does not directly ask you out or tells that she wants to meet. Just pretend that you do not notice anything. A girl who does not express her feelings directly, but expresses her desire subconsciously with facial expressions, gestures, or simply blushing very nicely and lowering her eyes during a conversation with you, will hardly decide to confess or impose. Consequently, she will not bring you any problems, you can just pretend that you don’t notice her feelings.
How to turn down a second date?
If you have already had a date, and you understand that you are not interested in the continuation of the relationship, then it’s high time to stop flirting.
All these long looks, ambiguous conversations and casual touches should be focused only on your beloved one. So, concentrate maximum efforts on creating a stable understanding that you will not continue a relationship. Ideally, you should choose the right words on the first date.
Forbidden and ineffective tricks when you are going to turn a girl down for a date.
How to turn down a date and not to be labeled a scoundrel? You should just adhere to the above-mentioned rules and try to avoid the following tricks.
• I am a troublemaker.
Sometimes, guys try to blow girls off by assuring, “I am not worthy of you,” “You can’t even imagine what a terrible person I am,” “I have a lot of problems, including mortgage and alimony.” However, there are no such flaws, which a woman in love could not accept. There are no such difficulties, which a woman in love would not be willing to face. You should evaluate the girls in love adequately and understand that they are ready for anything.
• Let’s hang out.
“Let’s hang out” is equal to “let's stay friends,” and this is not the right option as well. She will surely become your best friend and surround you with care and affection. The girl will lend a helping hand and will regularly offer friendly sex, friendly shopping and no less friendly weekend with parents. You shouldn’t have sex with a girl who you don't perceive as a potential partner. If you believe that this is sex without commitment, you paint yourself into a corner. In general, your offer to be friends will be accepted and used against you.